Saturday 6 March 2010

I'm an outcast an outsider...


Sometimes just like today I feel I don't fit anywhere. I always state that I don't want to fit that I love to be original, unique, an outcast. This is true most of the time however sometimes... Just like today I'd like to fit in the mass. Or at least in most social ocasions. Maybe be "normal". I hate feeling like this. Like if I'm seeing my life pass by from the outside. Like in a showcase or a plastic bubble about to burst. I'm about to burst. I need a hug. I'm feeling like running away. But I know well that the feeling and any unsolved issues will fly away with me wherever I go. Can I be more dramatic? I need time to think. I need silence and I certanly need to go away I need some perspective.

Just today...
Just today...
Just today...
I'm about to burst!
Just for today... I really need to hang in there...
Perspective is something more to add to my list .
Perspective and constance I should really add that to my life.

Friday 26 February 2010

Scribbling on my notepad...


Today I saw my dear friend M at a very particular location that I love. The azulejos Sanborns I longed to have breakfast on that patio I always evoke the great authors that surely scribbled on their Moleskines while having breakfast and drank the same awful coffee blend they serve in every Sanborns eating the swiss enchiladas with the same recipe from oh so long time ago. I can almost see Simone de Beauvoir writing angrily just how much she hated Mexico. She arrived here with a broken heart... No wonder she saw everything so gray even in such a colourful country... Fidel Castro plotting the Cuban Revolution with the Che mmmm no different Sanborns the La Fragua one with it's Tamayo watermelons. Well I love that Sanborns too and the one at the Aristo's building also but well that's another story. She arrived sharply late as always but her big concerned smile erased the angst of her tardiness. It's so easy to view things from a different perspective when you are an outsider. She was meeting with her ex-boyfriend just after we met. So the encounter was some prep talk on why she really needed to do it. Why she needed to see him even when it still hurts so much. She was trembling literally trembling. I hope everything went well... I'm sure I'll know in a couple of hrs. the result. I miss her. We used to have long conversations about life, death , love... Since she went to Cancun our main topic is him. They drifted apart. Well he drifted apart while she remained upbeat sometimes and all mushy some others. She was crushed but as almost all breakups she just didn't want to see how things were turning until she was appalled by the situation. I know the feeling. I'd wish I had that much insight and assertiveness when it comes to my personal affairs. I just needed to share this.
I know I've been absent and I'll be absent so much more.Constance, yes I need constance... Maybe some day...